32 going on 20

WARNING: THIS POST IS CERTAINLY GOING TO PISS OFF SOME PEOPLE & OFFEND OTHERS. BUT THE REST OF YOU WILL ENJOY ANOTHER FUNNY NIGHT FULL OF DRAMA.


My friend and I went out to our old favorite hangout last night (see previous post in January - THE FULL MONTY...to find out where that is, if you don't know).

After taking a break from "that" place for close to nine months, when we walked in we recognized quickly that we would once again have to create our identities and mark our territory. No one at the door cheered and grabbed our asses when we walked in... the bartender ID'ed us before serving us (pointing out that the picture on my license was heinous), etc. We were foreigners in our own bar. We were no longer the rulers of the roost.

But soon the beer started flowing, the ambient music took over and we managed to find some friends to talk to. The night was going well.

It got better when we found one semi-sexy dancer to set our sights on. His name was Brett - who we soon found out could have been my son had I chosen to be promiscuous at a very young age...

So we sit down at the bar, watching the stage, our eyes flirting from dancer to dancer...transfixed on the upper body strength as they hung upside down on the pole by only one arm. Mmm.. Oh back to earth, Stacey... okay. Uhm... where was I? Yes, okay, transfixed.

Eyes glazed over and tongue hanging out, thinking thoughts that could probably get me arrested...A sudden blinding bright light was shining right in my eyes. "God damn," I said "what the BLEEP!"

There are now 3 extra large donut mongrels standing in front of me looking at me with smirks on their faces.

"I need to see your ID, Miss!" they said to me.

My friend, always jumping to my rescue kindly says, "She's BLEEPing older than me! Why don't you ask me for mine?"

Now I'm baffled... why is he asking me for ID? Is he a mind reader? I was only THINKING those things... Not like I was doing them... and were my thoughts really THAT illegal? It couldn't be... no... it wasn't... no way could he think I was UNDER AGE!!!

So I look through my wallet to get to my license...Those of you who have seen my pocket book...understand, this sometimes takes a while.

"We need to see your ID now," he said obviously agitated with my slow reaction time.

I mumbled off a bunch of not so nice things and then handed him my license.

By this time the whole bar was transfixed on me, watching to see what was going to happen.

"Do you have any other photo identification, Miss?" he said.

Now I'm pissed. "That photo was taken in May of 1998," I said. "It's me..." I glared. He stared. I stared back - never blinking.

I showed him my social security card, my credit cards and by this time was telling him where to shove it.

"You really should get a new picture," he said. I fought back every urge to stick out my tongue and say na na na na na na as he and his cronies strutted out of the bar.

Well so now I know what it's like to be involved in a police raid. Unfortunately for this pig, his night wasn't made by hauling some under-age drunk off to jail. and I was feeling pretty good about myself afterwards considering he thought I was 10+ years younger than I was.

So it was time to get back to the dancers...and brett...who suddenly looked much older to me for some reason! ;-)

Cheers,
S.